Catching the Cue, Pushing the right buttons

 No matter how elusive a clue is, Sherlock Holmes is always confident that he will end up staring at the clue on the other end of the magnifying glass. And like him, big winners also know how to catch a right topic. Once, I was talking to an old Italian man when i was working as a waiter. He is a regular customer and all he did was complain about everything I did for him in the restaurant. It is either the food was off or I was speaking too soft. And i thought he didn't like me. However, one day it was pouring rain outside and I could not help it but say to him, "We have quite heavy rains in Malaysia all year round unlike some countries and it sometimes is inconvenient to us,". And he answered shortly to me, "It is good for the flowers and trees." I could not help but wonder why did he used flowers and trees. Usually, people connects things around them to their past and obviously, he has a relationship towards the flowers. So I asked him whether he like flowers and he did happily answered that his wife was a florist and she used to put fresh flowers by the side of their bed. And it reminded of her everyday after her death. From there forth, i knew about his past and I knew how to talk to him and what to talk to him. Top communicators would say that ideas don't come from nowhere. If he did bring up the subject of flowers and trees, obviously he has a relationship with them. Furthermore, when he did mention it, he might be indicating sub-consciously that he wants to talk about it. Supposedly, he did say that it is bad for his arthritis, then obviously you would know where it is leading to or what he wants to say. Now, when talking to someone open your ears and listen out for clues. Lookout for unusual repetition, or subject. Might it be a digression or invocation of a place or time or person. Ask about them, it might be a topic your partner might enjoy discussing. When two people shared a common interest, they jump on it together. People enjoy being agreed with and hate being disagreed with. Therefore, know which buttons to push and you actually enjoy better relationships with others.

~Daryl Justin De Rozario~

Eye Contact

Eye contact is one type of non verbal communication. We can know what are people thinking through seeing their eyes.


Usually, the direction people move their eyes can often determine whether the answer is from memory or not. It works the best with visual thoughts. People will typically look upward to the left if reaching into memory and to the right if creating the answer or constructing imaged images.


By observing people eyes, we can see that they will often look upward to one side or the other when talking. Sometimes such people will gaze forward, unfocussed. These eye movements are an indication of thinking in a visual mode.


In a nutshell, knowing the way people think is important in enhancing the communication experience. When we are talking with people, the direction of their eyes can give an indication of what brain processes are occurring in them. We can also tell if the person is making something up or recalling a past event.

Louis Beh ®

Emotional Competence

The concept of emotional competence is rooted in understanding emotions as normal, useful aspects of being human. Anger is a reaction to aggression and gives a person the strength to repel the aggression. Grief is a reaction to abandonment or feeling unloved and it has the effect of eliciting sympathetic responses from others. Fear is a response to danger and has a clear physiological effect of heightening our senses and speeding up our reactions.

From this it can be seen that the suppression of emotion is not useful and that teaching people to suppress their emotions is part of trying to control them. Emotionally competent people will express emotion appropriate to the situation and their needs and they will not seek to suppress emotions in others.

It is fairly widely believed that if appropriate emotions are not expressed some sort of memory of them becomes stored.Later events may trigger off the old emotions resulting in inappropriate emotional responses. This particularly applies to emotions that children are prevented from expressing. Releasing these old emotions is a key feature of co-counseling.

Emotional competence can lead to improved health through avoiding stress that would otherwise result from suppressing emotions. It can also lead to improved relationships since inappropriate emotions are less likely to be expressed and appropriate behavior is not avoided through fear of triggering some emotion.

The concept is distinct from emotional intelligence which, while recognizing the importance of emotions, gives emphasis to controlling or manipulating them.


~kavip preya~

What is racism?

Racism happens everywhere. People are bound to judge or throw comments when they meet a person of a different colour. Racism is the act of classifying other races in an inferior position. Racism has always been an issue. Some people also stir-up racial issues which might lead to controversies. For example, the case where someone accused Tommy Hilfiger of making an outrageous racist remark on Oprah.

'If I had known African-Americans, Hispanics, Jews and Asians would buy my clothes, I would not have made them so nice. I wish these people would not buy my clothes, as they are made for upper-class white people.'

That was in fact a lie as Hilfiger had never appeared on Oprah before the rumour surfaced. This might be small comment but it hurt many people and caused social problems.

Words we use to refer to other races are called “cultural identifiers” . Speakers have to learn how to use appropriate identifiers. For instance, African-American should not be referred as the “blacks” nor “niggas”. Words carry strong meanings. We have to be extremely aware of the words we choose to use because they carry different intensities of power and the words we use will evoke different emotions in a person




-Carmen Lee-

Disconfirming Jack from her life

Disconfirmation is a communication pattern in which one ignores the other person’s presence and communication.

For example, Jack and Jane were good friends until a misunderstanding happened between them. Jane was furious and started giving Jack the cold shoulder . She ignored his presence and was indifferent to his messages. Whenever she walked past him, she would act like she did not notice him . Besides that, she also made no nonverbal contact. That is to say, even her body language did not acknowledge his presence. Next, she frequently jumped to interpret and evaluate messages. When Jane’s friend told her that a couple of boys from their class were caught playing truant, she immediately assumed Jack to be one of them.

After a while, when things between Jack and Jane started cooling down, Jane begin to talk to Jack again. Though so, things were not how it used to be. Jane who was always a listener and was empathetic , started being self-centered. She only talked about her self. She never asked Jack questions and most of the words which came out from her mouth consisted of “me” , “myself” and “I”. Not only that, she always interrupts Jack whenever he has something to say. That made it hard for Jack to express his opinions. Because of the way she acted, their relationship took a turn for the worse in the end.




-Carmen Lee- =)

Misinterpretation of words.

Ever had a friend ask a question and u answered it? Obviously yes. Ever had a friend ask u a question and u answered and then he just laughs at you? Right then, you will wonder why? Get mad or even start laughing with your friend. Most often it is because you heard your friend asked you a question but you misinterpreted it differently. It goes something like this.

Preya : Hey Carmen, where do you live?

Carmen : I am three years old.

This is just a common example of the brain receiving information from the eyes and the ears but the brain misinterpreting it.

At that very moment, Carmen heard the words "where do you live?" but for some reason, the brain thought it was " how old are you?"

Here is a video showing real life people misinterpreting words:

* Family Feud - Name a question, such as "How old are you?" that you might answer with a lie.
* Newlywed Game - What is your favorite wind instrument?
* Family Feud - A noisy bird
* Family Feud - If you could travel to any foreign country in the world, where would you go?
* Jeopardy! - Hedda Tesman, Helen Alving, Knut Brovik
* Family Fortunes - Something you associate with the sea
* Family Feud - Something men wear to bed

Al Amin

Self-Esteem

Self esteem is a concept of personality, for it to grow, we need to have self worth, and this self worth will be sought from embracing challenges that result in the showing of success.Self-esteem issues also arise in studies of domestic abuse. Husbands who abuse their wives usually came from less affluent backgrounds, had poorer education or earned less money than their wives; they used violence as a way to assert their superiority and put their "uppity" wives in their place. Another study found that men who earned high academic qualifications but had poor careers were exceptionally violent as a group, perhaps because they were frustrated their lives didn't reflect their high opinions of themselves. By contrast, men who had poor education but nonetheless had very successful careers were six times less likely than average to be abusive.

Self-esteem can also lead to superiority complexes, wherein arrogant individuals feel no qualms about abusing someone they consider inferior. This, Baumeister argues, is the case with psychopaths or has been the case with groups such as the Nazis.

The findings of this research do not take into account that the concept of self-esteem lacks a clear definition and that differing views exist of the precise definition of self-esteem. In his own work, Baumeister often uses a "common use" definition: self-esteem is how you regard yourself (or how you appear to regard yourself) regardless of how this view was cultivated. Other psychologists believe that a "self esteem" that depends on external validation of the self (or other people's approval), such as what seems relevant in the discussion of violent people, does not, in fact, equate to "true" self-esteem. Nathaniel Branden labeled external validation as "pseudo self-esteem", arguing that "true self-esteem" comes from internal sources, such as self-responsibility, self-sufficiency and the knowledge of one's own competence and capability to deal with obstacles and adversity, regardless of what other people think.

Psychologists who agree with Branden's view dismiss Baumeister's findings. Such psychologists who say that Baumeister mistakes narcissism as "high self-esteem" in criminals. They see such narcissism as an inflated opinion of self, built on shaky grounds, and opine that violence comes when that opinion comes under threat. Those with "true" self-esteem who valued themselves and believed wholly in their own competence and worth would have no need to resort to violence or indeed have any need to believe in their superiority or to prove their superiority.

The counter argument to this proposal is that many contemporary self-esteem building exercises do not link self-worth to actual achievement and so are promoting narcissism rather than true self-esteem.




~kavip preya~

Music

Express yourself through music. Why? Its because sometimes only music can send messages that words can't. Sometimes only through music that someone can express the way they truly feel. I'm talking about great music. Great music are the ones that were written with passion. Great songs doesn't always mean meaningful lyrics. Think of the ever popular instrumental song Cannon by Johann Pachelbel. Do you know when it was written? Let me tell you. 1680!

Yup thats right, the year sixteen eighty. 300 years have passed and we are still listening to it. Though many other arrangement have been made.

Think of Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin. Some think of it as the best song ever written. It is so popular that some even said that the Devil himself was the one who wrote it. They said that when you play it backwards, you'll hear hidden messages from satan.

Think about that for a second.

Here's a video about pachelbel's cannon.

If you have not finish watching the video. Stop reading and continue watching. :)

O.K. Done?

Cool right? The SAME chords! Many of the current hit songs have been using the SAME chords as Pachelbel's Cannon. Written 300 years ago!

See how Johann Pachelbel has been communicating with us all this years. He even helps our new up and coming artists with their song writing.

Here is the reverse version for Stairway to Heaven.

Scary? Right?

In conclusion, music can brings happiness, joy, sadness, fear and all kinds of emotions to the listener. It gives the listeners the chance to share their feelings. In other words, music is another great tool for communication.

Al Amin

Pronunciation

Communication, an action that we use it everyday. Pronunciation is very significant while we are speaking. We must pronounce words clearly and make sure people will not misunderstand them.

I watched a short film while I was in Human Communication class on Saturday. That short film was about differences between two cultures. An Italian pronounced "in fact" as "in f*ck" and "piece" as "piss", he also misunderstood what people told him. People did not understand what was he trying to express, so they scolded him as son of a b*tch and he misunderstood as son of a beach. From this short film, I can know that pronunciation is very important for us. Also, we must pronounce some words differently when we are in different countries.

To sum up, we have to pronounce some words very carefully. For examples, sheet, beach, and piece. Therefore, people will not misunderstand what we are trying to say.

Louis Beh ®

The Self-Fulfiling Prophecy

When you act as though you like someone, you start to really like them. A study done in an Adelphi University study called “Believing Another Likes or Dislikes You: Behaviors Making the Beliefs Come True” proves that your mind actually does the liking or disliking. Researchers told volunteers to treat unsuspecting subjects as though they liked them. When surveyed later, the results showed the volunteers wound up genuinely liking the subjects. The unsuspecting subjects were also surveyed which showed that they expressed higher affection towards the opposite. What it means is that is love begets love, like begets like, respect begets respect. Here’s a visualization technique that accomplishes all that. It guarantees that everyone you encounter will feel your warmth. When you meet someone new, visualize that the new friend is an old friend. You haven't talk to that friend for sometime. Every-time you meet an old friend, your smile widens and your eyes glow with that affection. The joyful experience starts a remarkable chain reaction in your body from the subconscious softening of your eyebrows to the positioning of your toes—and everything between. You will amaze yourself. The delight of rediscovery fills your face and buoys up your body language. Therefore, your mind is a wonderful tool. It is what they call, The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy.


~Daryl Justin De Rozario~

Art of negotiating.

It is the art of getting what you want. Or getting what you want from others. For example, during shopping in flea markets or just about any shop you have the option of asking for a bargain. Most dealers WILL give you a bargain. Even if its just a little, it will total up to a lot. Negotiations can also be done during hostage situations where it is common that an expert negotiator will try to talk the kidnappers or robbers into releasing the hostages unharmed, obviously with certain conditions being fulfilled.

The first rule of negotiating is remember that everything is negotiable. Dont narrow down a certain negotiation to just one point, develop as many points as possible. If you stick to one point, high chance that you will have nothing to say.

Next, prepare in advance because information is POWER!.

Ask questions, clarify what you don't understand.

Set a goal for each deal point. Keep in mind your minimum level of acceptance for each point. IF you go beyond it, you will end up losing more than you can bargain.

Be honest and fair. The best negotiations are the ones that benefits all parties. Remember that what goes around comes around.

Be friendly. Avoid being too aggresive. That is the reason for many failed negotiations.

Lastly, NEVER accept the first offer. Often the other party will make an offer just to test wether you are firm with your issues. If you don't fight for what you want, you will never get a good deal.

Cultural Misunderstanding.

This is reminding about a video clip that we watched in the HUMAN COMMUNICATION class. And the video's title was Fawlty's Tower.I have one video clip to share with you guys.It is much similar with what we watched in the class.But this will be a little different.There are some vulgar words in this clip,not to show a bad impact but to analyze critically what are the problem that they are having.

After watch the video all of you'll must be wondering what is the problem that the Italian man having and the pupil around him. In communication has two parts sender and receiver.The sender has a message he or she intends to transmit, and the person put it in words,which to tell the particular person,to reflect the thinking.But many things can intervene to prevent the intend message from being receive accurately.

In addition to how the message is sent, many additional factors determine how the receiver interprets the message. All new information we learn is compared with the knowledge we already have. If it confirms what we already know, we will likely receive the new information accurately, though we may pay little attention to it. If it calls into question our previous assumptions or interpretation of the situation, we may distort it in our minds so that it is made to fit our world view, or we may dismiss the information as deceptive, misguided, or simply wrong.

To avoid this situation to happen reconfirm with the speaker what does he or she wants and be 100 percent accurate while speaking and listening.

Misunderstanding in Relationships...?

Why there is misunderstanding and difficulties in relationships?

When we are in love we can not convey the emotion because love is silent. We are accustomed to communicating in words but there are no words to convey emotions. We use our words to tell people about our emotions or give symbols in their place. Our words are symbols that the other person can interpret and understand how we feel. The emotion of love is formless and so we rely on words as a code for communication.

Flowers, chocolate, jewelry, and cards are wonderful symbolic ways to communicate our emotion. But these symbols don’t prove the authenticity of love. These gifts can just as easily be given because of guilt or shame for having done something to make up for. In this case the size of the gift might be a measurement of a person’s guilt and self judgment instead of their love. They are looking for forgiveness which will release them from their self judgment. It is easy to misinterpret what the gift symbolizes because it is not always possible to see into the emotions and thought process of the giver. Our interpretation of their motivation may be different than what is inspiring them.

Companies and advertisers are eager to tell us what the symbols of love mean. We see in holiday commercials examples of men shopping for a gift to give their wife or girlfriend. They are searching for the right symbol of love to give. The jewelry company is selling symbols and they tell the viewer what their jewelry means. They even have recommendations about how much of your salary you should spend on the symbols they merchandise. Is the man buying a piece of jewelry because he is inspired by love, or because he is afraid of how the woman will interpret the size of his symbol? We are so conditioned to respond to symbols that a woman might react emotionally if she doesn’t’ get the symbol she wants. The emotional reaction isn’t really about the symbol. She is really reacting to her own interpretation of the symbol. Not getting a symbol when it is expected on particular holidays may cause a person to react to their own interpretations and expectations. If our partner forgets to do something that they promised it doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t’ love and appreciate us. If we apply that meaning to their actions we do it on our own.

An engagement ring is a symbol of love. It is not the emotion itself. But how often have there been discussions about the size and quality of the diamond and what it signifies? Does a bigger diamond demonstrate that more love is coming out of someone’s heart? Does a smaller diamond mean that there is less admiration and love for you? No. If someone brings us 4 roses, do we wonder what they are trying to say? We may have a clear understanding in our mind what a dozen roses mean, but what do 4 roses mean? In our use of symbols we often interpret that more symbols means that the person has more love for us. More and bigger symbols don’t mean that there is any more emotion.

Understanding in relationships begins with SELF-AWARENESS...

Before you can explain your coded meanings for words and symbols to someone, you will first have to be aware of them yourself. This means being aware of what your symbols mean, how you interpret them, and the emotional attachments you have given to images and dreams in your mind. When you are aware of your own coded symbols, you can communicate more clearly with another. Clear communication will raise the quality of understanding, respect, and clarity in your relationships. This will allow the real emotion of love to grow, and make your relationship less dependent upon symbols. When you have awareness, you know that a symbol cannot convey what you feel; and when your love no longer relies upon the exchange of symbols, it is beginning to flower into the most beautiful expression of human caring: unconditional love.
Each and everything that we do with our knowledge or oppose is all related with communication skills among each and other.


~kavip preya~

Getting a job

Job interview, a process that most of us must take part in it. How to do well in job interview, in front of the interviewer? Why most of us will be nervous when we face to the job interviewer? The problems above very usual happen in job interviews. There is a few ways to make it less problems and more rewarding in job interviews.

To begin with, the point of the interview is not for the interviewers to expose our flaws and weaknesses when we try to hide them very well. For example, we must not be nervous and we must hide it although we are very nervous while we are being interviewed. Besides, the company needs to use the interview to find out the right person for the job, and we use the interview to find out the right job. The most significant thing is to be ourselves, which will give everyone a better idea of whether we and this job would go well together. Also, we must be very confident when interviewers interview us. We can improve our looks by dressing nicely and comb our hair tidily or use a perfume to make us to become more confident.

Furthermore, we must make preparation for job interview. We can rehearse and face to the mirror while we are rehearsing. It works, it can help us to be more confident and not be so nervous when we do some mistakes in interviews. Also, we must get enough sleep before we go for interviews. Sleeping is very important for all of us, if one does not sleep enough before he / she goes to interview, the person can be very bad looking and bad performance in interviews. In addition, we must choose the job we really like but not just go for every interview because interest is also very important. We cannot put more effort in something we do not interest; on the other hand, we can put all effort in something we interest in. Self-presentation skills also must be very good for the one who wants to be interviewed.

In a nutshell, we can do well in interviews if we prepare for job interviews and be confident.

Louis Beh ®

What is language?

All of us know that language is very important for us. There are three languages that many people are using them nowadays, those languages are English, Chinese, and Spanish. Everyone must study English because it is international language. On the other hand, Chinese is used by the most people in this world. I, as a Malaysian, must learn three languages because I am a Chinese. Those languages are Chinese, English, and Malay. For Malaysian, there are two languages must be learnt, the two languages are English and Malay because English is international language and Malay is our nation language. Paragraphs below describe the importance of language.

Language is very important for our daily life. Without language, we cannot communicate to others easily and do writing. Languages actually separated all of us into different cultures. For example, Malaysians speak Malay, Americans speak English, Japaneses speak Japanese, and Espanyols speak Spanish. English is an international language but it is different in cultures. Normally, we can speak English in different way when we stay in different country because different country has diverse culture. Therefore, we must accommodate ourselves to different situation. For example, when we are in America, we must follow their culture and make adjustment to be accommodated. Briefly, language is very important for us to do daily communication.

In spite of the differences among languages, most of languages share common characteristics. Their main similarity is they are using universal grammar; however, there are some languages different from those languages are using universal grammar. The universal grammar is pronoun / noun + verb, such languages are using this grammar as Chinese, English, Malay, and Japanese.

In brief, language is very significant in communication, it takes part in speech more than in writing.

Louis Beh ®

Tips to Increase Self Esteem

Mary was a happy-go lucky, 11 year old girl with lots of friends. She weighed a hefty 58 kg at just 11 years old. However, Mary didn’t seem to care about her weight. One day, a classmate of hers teased her because of her weight and called her ‘a pot of lard’. Mary was devastated. She was always in denial and acted as if her weight did not bother her but when her classmate told it in her face, her self-esteem came tumbling down. She decided to get fit but firstly, she had to increase her self-esteem. Below are the suggestions from Mary to increase self-esteem:

1) Attack self-destructive belief
• Mary erased negative thoughts like “I’m fat” and “ I can never do this”.
Mary told herself that she was capable of getting fit and deserved to
get fit. When she finally believed that she could, she begun working harder
to reach her goal

2) Seek out nourishing people
• Mary associated herself with friends who encouraged and motivated her to
get fit. She avoided the classmate of hers who insulted her.

3) Work on projects that will result in success
• Mary did not take on more than she could handle. She told herself she
would lose 5 kg in a month and she succeeded. She did not aim too high as
she knew if were to do that and not succeed, she might be demotivated.

4) Remind yourself of your successes
• Mary reminded herself frequently that she was once a fit runner who
represented her school. Because of this, her belief in herself increased.

5) Secure affirmation
• Mary always repeated to herself that’s she’s fit and after a while, the
affirmation was drummed into her mind. It became second nature to her and
after 2 months, she managed to lose a total on 10 kg !





-Carmen Lee-

The Pros and Cons of Computer Mediated Communication

Communication is the act of sharing information with others by speaking, acting, moving your body or using hand signals. There are 2 channels of communication. They are face-to-face communication and computer-mediated communication. Computer mediated communication is a fairly new way of communicating.

Computer mediated communication requires electronic devices. Examples of such communication are Instant Messaging, Skype and the recent fad, Facebook. Communicating electronically is fast, cheap and convenient. In recent years, computer mediated communication has been taken to a whole new level. It is practically impossible for us to lead a healthy social life without our electronic toys anymore. Who knows, in a couple of decades, face-to-face communication might become obsolete !

I would strongly suggested computer mediated communication to people who hates being confronted. Most of the times, communicating electronically does not permit us to see the other side . This would be a good choice in facing angry employers or clients. Besides that, communicating electronically is also a big help to people who are not good at expressing themselves in the real world. I have a friend who is extremely shy and lacking in the social department. Lo and behold, she becomes the prom queen once she starts punching the keys on the keyboard. It’s like she’s bipolar and her witty, fun-loving side becomes dominant once she faces her computer.

But if we look at this from another side, we’ll see computer mediated communication might not be such a good invention after all. It promotes cowardice. By not literally facing the other side, people can choose to ignore confrontations. This might not be good in the long run. As the saying goes ‘you can run, but you can’t hide’. We are bound to face challenges in the future, and if we do not train ourselves to face these challenges now, it will be a recipe for disaster when we face bigger ones in the future





-Carmen Lee-

ultural

Mute, Deaf or Blind?

OK so listen up. There's this riddle that i've been hearing for ages but never knew the answer. It goes like this.

There's a blind man, a mute , and a deaf person. The mute man saw the deaf person kidnaps the blind man's wife. The question is, how does the mute man tells the blind man about the incident?

Here are the answer's that I've come across over the internet:

1. The mute man uses braille to tell the blind man.

2. The mute man typed it on an audio speaker device.

3. The blind man would've heard his wife scream.

4. Use Morse Code.

There's probably no good logic answer to this riddle but what I'm getting at is that humans have developed great technologies for the disabled to communicate with others. It is something that we should be proud of.

Human communication have come a long way since sending a messenger across countries just to deliver a letter. Now there's MSN messengers, email services, SMS, and phones to make calls.

In conclusion, we should be thankful that we live in an era that the mute can communicate using sign language, the blind read using Braille and the partially deaf can use hearing aids.

Al Amin

Stand Up Comedy

A form of public speaking which is really entertaining. What I've realized from these comics is that they actually speak from the heart. They say what they feel. After listening to quite a few of them, there is no doubt that they make a lot of preparations and study into all of their jokes and opinions. This involves a intrapersonal relationship that decides wether their joke is too racy, sensitive, sexist or unethical for their show.

Stand up comedy is a great form of human communication that has been overlooked for many years. Even in Malaysia, the whole practice is only starting to get recognition with the formation of YCOM which stands for Young Comedians of Malaysia. After seeing a few of their shows, it seems that our young comedians definitely have the potential to make it big in the industry.

Everyone's favourite comedian. Russell Peters. Even though most of his jokes are entirely based on racists comments and stereotypes, he doesn't get booed or get death threats because he even attacks himself which is his indian background. This sends a non-verbal message and makes everyone think about their own race. The good and bad so that they try to change and drift away from stereotypes that the society have given them.

Al Amin

There is more to him than meets the eye..

If there were ever a person whom I could not ever forget, it would definitely be him. He was neither the cutest nor the most handsome boy in school but he was popular wherever he went. He was an ordinary boy with a cheeky grin and eyes that always seem to twinkle with mischief. But behind those eyes, lies a soul who is more aware of people’s feelings and who truly understands the essence of communication.

Group interaction skills are perhaps the toughest skills to master. Even some of my most sociable friends tend to fade into the background and not ‘shine’ in big groups. But he is different, he always seems to be at the centre of attention in every conversation. He has the ability to make people feel important about themselves. He makes amazing eye contact and when he speaks to you, he makes you feel like there is no one else in this world except for you and him.

He possesses leadership skills like no other. He is great leader and also a team player. Besides that, he can naturally lead the team without being domineering. How often do you come across a teenager who could lead a whole team without much complaints or disagreements from his team members? Team members have faith in him because he always gives clear orders to prevent ambiguity and he also exudes that kind of confidence that makes you feel like you can always count on him.

There is one more skill he owns that makes him an outstanding communicator. He has great presentation skills and he always makes good first impressions. When he speaks in front of a crowd, everyone will be deeply absorbed listening to what he has to say next.

He once asked me what I wanted to do in life. I avoided answering him and asked him back instead. I advised him to go into sales or something which could make full use of his communication skills. He answered me by saying he has bigger dreams in mind. There is something about him which intrigues me and I know I would never forget such a strong character.





-Carmen Lee-

Understand COMMUNICATION FEAR

Understand COMMUNICATION FEAR

Your succes barometer is determined by your posture

Do you remember the lyrics to the old Shirley Bassey song? “The minute you walked in the joint, I could see you were a man of distinction— a real big spender. Good looking, so refined. Say wouldn’t you like to know what’s going on in my mind?” The goal of this first section is not to make you look like a real big spender. Rather it is to give you the cachet of a real big Somebody the moment people lay eyes on you. To that end, we now explore the most important technique to make you look like a very important person.*


Just like a knee jerk reaction, when happiness strikes into the very heart of you, automatically  you feel like a winner and your head tilts up, your shoulders thrown back, your smiles broadens and your eyes soften. This is the look a winner constantly have. They stand with assurance, move with confidence, and smile with pride as this symbolizes a good posture showing the person man or woman is used to being on top.

In kindergartens, we used to have teachers telling us off to sit up straight. Even mothers. But we cannot deny the fact that we are still slouching as we are a nation of slouchers. Having a good posture, it accentuates the natural V shape of your torso. If you're unfamiliar with the V shape of your torso, just imagine drawing a V on your back from your waist to your shoulders. If you have broader shoulders and a narrower waist, you'll have a V shape more desirable to women. Standing and walking with your shoulders back and chest out will widen your V shape which will attract more attention from the opposite sex.

Jeffrey Bergin Dean of Clinics at the National University of Health Sciences in Lombard. "Many children are suffering from chronic pain in the hands, neck and shoulders, as well as repetitive motion injuries such as carpal tunnel syndrome. Many of these ailments can be prevented and eliminated with proper attention to posture, correct backpack use and attention to how and how long children sit at computer stations. * Poor posture can also cause bones to grow abnormally. Good posture ensures that the least strain is placed on muscles and ligaments. According to Spine Universe.com having good posture prevents muscle fatigue and backaches, decreases wear on joints, ligaments, and bones, and contributes to a good appearance.  

~Daryl Justin De Rozario~

IMPORTANCE OF NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION.

It is quite usual to forget about many aspects of non-verbal communication when hearing this notion. In fact, what comes to mind immediately are body gestures or facial expressions. However, there are many more aspects. For example,tone of voice, inotation and facial expression and eye movement.

Firstly, the tone of voice is a means by which the speaker implies his or her attitude to the message. It is also a means by which he seeks a reaction from the hearer. In a political debate, for instance, the tone of voice is likely to be rousing, whereas on television the daily news is communicated in a more factual tone. Other examples of tone of voice are: aggressive, critical, nervous, disappointed, monotonous, friendly, enthusiastic, vivid, persuasive, etc.

Secondly, the tone of voice is a means by which the speaker implies his or her attitude to the message. It is also a means by which he seeks a reaction from the hearer. In a political debate, for instance, the tone of voice is likely to be rousing, whereas on television the daily news is communicated in a more factual tone. Other examples of tone of voice are: aggressive, critical, nervous, disappointed, monotonous, friendly, enthusiastic, vivid, and persuasive.

Thirdly,eye movement is a key part of facial behaviour because the eyes are invariably involved in facial displays. The different froms are observed to be a cross-culture.The frequency of eye contact may suggest either interest or boredom or may even betray dishonesty. The direct stare of the speaker can show candour or openness. Downward glances are generally associated with modesty; eyes rolled upwards are conveyed as a sign of fatigue. Researchers have discovered that certain facial areas reveal our emotional state better than others. For example the eyes tend to show happiness, sadness or even surprise. The lower face can also express happiness or surprise; a smile, for instance, can communicate friendliness or cooperation. As for the lower face, brows and forehead are known to reveal mostly anger.

Lastly, body gesture is a movement made with a limb, especially the hands, to express, confirm, emphasize or back up the speaker’s attitude or intention. This non-verbal activity is regularly used in oral discourse. If a body act requires no verbal accompaniment, it is called an “emblem”. Examples are: hand signals such as waving good-bye, the “V” for victory sign or the “high five” signalling victory. While some emblems, for example a clenched fist, have universal meaning, there are others that are idiosyncratic or culturally conditioned. The use of the zero shape made by the fingers, for instance, does not mean the same thing in different cultures. Standing for “OK” in the UK, it may be a vulgar expression in South American cultures, sometimes embarrassingly so… Body gestures are always perceived and interpreted together with facial expressions.

In a nut shell,Non-verbal communication is not only crucial in a plain daily communication situation but also for the interpreter. Non-verbal communication can take various forms, each of which illustrates or replaces a certain part of the However, communicative behaviour can be studied and learned. Interpreters can become increasingly skilled at interpreting human behaviour simply by keen observation. Furthermore, the more interpreters are mindful and pay attention to details and nuances in behaviour, to gestures, intonation, facial expressions, and body signals, the more they will detect the true meanings of the speaker’s discourse verbal communication. It includes many more elements than one might think at first.




Kavip Preya

Leader J wished he took Human Comm class )=

My stomach dropped as I heard the news. It could not be true , I thought. It was just yesterday when I watched him with his hilarious antics on my favourite game show. Some part of me want to believe that this was a publicity stunt or maybe his idea of a ‘September Fool’ joke.


So this was what happened, J, leader to one of my favourite, most-rapidly rising boy bands in Korea has been kicked out from his band. He made such a terrible mistake, he was threatened with a suicide petition with a few thousand signatures in which he reacted by leaving Korea.

What horrific thing did J do that cost him his entire career? Well, you see, J was an American born Korean. Having lived his life in America, he is pretty much white-washed. He came back to Korea to pursue his dreams of becoming a singer at the age of 18. Because of this, he had to be separated from his family and friends. Being a young boy at that time, he was carrying a heavier burden than any other young boys his age were. Where he studied in Korea, he was teased for not being able to converse in Korean. The lack of emotional support must have taken a toll on him and that caused him to react irrationally by posting inappropriate comments on a popular networking site, MySpace.


Leader J is in da middle !! =)



The MySpace posts which ruined his career . )=


J’s posts on MySpace were leaked out and were exposed to the public eye. Netizens were furious by his comments and some think that he was ethnocentric and too arrogant on being American born.

On another note, The Star published an article on US President Barack Obama warning teenagers about social networking sites, recently. He stated that whatever comments or pictures posted by us can be pulled up again later somewhere in our lives. Did you know that employers do research on potential employees on social networking sites? Would you ever want your potential employer to be going through your photos and comments you posted when you were in high school? It’s amazing how communication has evolved throughout the years. Computer-mediated communication has made things so much easier for people all around the world. But we have to be extremely careful of what we do and what we say because in this modern world of communication, they can be used against us in the future.

It was a pity that this young talent was not competent communication-wise. J should have been more aware of the culture aspect and avoid making remarks about the culture difference as communication is irreversible.

It was also a shame how communication could destroy one’s career, or in some cases, even one’s life. All the tears and sweat which had been shed for the past 4 years before he finally debuted went down the drain because of a few irrational rants.






Carmen Lee



credits to soompi forums for the pics and info.

What Body Can Tell Us

Body language, everyone must be using it. Body language can actually tell us a lot of things. It tells us the person's feeling and thinking. Basically, body language can be defined as a form of non-verbal communication, consisting of body movements, body pose, gestures, and eye movements. Body language signals may have a goal other than communication. Usually, while a person is communicating, his body language tells his audience more than his speaking. Paragraphs below describe more about body language and some examples of body language.

I watched a movie last night, the movie contains a little bit about body language. A man and a woman in that movie were a pair of couple. The woman just graduated from her bachelor's degree in body language. She went back to her own country after she had graduated that was Hong Kong and her boyfriend was in Hong Kong. Unfortunately, her boyfriend had a new girlfriend and he was trying to keep that secret. The woman who just graduated could actually read her boyfriend's body language when he tells lie. At first, she did not believe that her boyfriend was telling lie to her because her boyfriend was treating her very nice. However, the woman could read the man's body language and she knew he was lying to her. For examples, the man was sweating and nervous while he was facing her. In short, body language can tell us more than verbal language can tell us.

Furthermore, body language actually different in varied cultures, races, gender, and religion. We must always do adjustment and accommodation to who we are communicating. Example, Malaysians will stick their five fingers together and act like they want to take some meals, that means they are already hungry and want to take some meals. However, Italians will think that body language or that action is not showing respect to them. Another example, a nurse may signal for someone to come by crooking the index finger, a common American gesture; nevertheless, this same signaling practice is a provocation among the Vietnamese and they usually do to a dog. We must always adjust ourselves to others to avoid misunderstanding.

Body language is a form of non-verbal communication involving the use of gestures, postures, and physiologic signs which act as cues to other people. Humans send and receive non-verbal signals all the time unconsciously. There are some examples, hands on knees indicates readiness, hands on hips indicates impatience, lock your hand behind your back indicates self-control, locked hand behind head shows confidence, sitting with a leg over the arm of the chair suggests indifference, and crossing arms means submissiveness. As a human being, we cannot avoid ourselves to get involved in body language, it can help us a lot if we can express out our thinking by body language very well.

Briefly, body language is the most important language for us and it is a part of our life that we must be using it every day!

Louis Beh ®

Eye of the human

In the mystique of history, Helen of Troy once was said to be able to launch wars with just her eyes. In fact, your eyes have such power that they are your own personal A-bombs that are able to explode other people's emotions. Just like martial arts masters, fist are their lethal weapon else your eyes are your psychological lethal weapon when you have the proper techniques.

Many would say that maintaining a good eye contact is good but for many reasons, it is not recommended to do so. In the early centuries during Britain's hunt for witchcraft, keeping a long eye contact would mean trying to cast a spell or a hex. This in turn,gets people in trouble with the society. During those times as proven in history, many young women were burned alive due to accusation true nor false. To insecure or suspicious people, staring or intense looking can be an intrusion while others may find it disrespectful and threatening. To avoid misconception and misunderstanding, big players in corporate worlds and world leaders prefer bringing a book on cultural body language differences.

In Western culture, however, big winners know exaggerated eye contact can be extremely advantageous especially between the sexes. In business, even without romance can provide the conversation with better trust between men and women. Studies shows that when women speak among themselves especially when telling personal stories, increase eye contact encourage feelings of intimacy. However, between men it is not the same. Some men will feel hostile and threaten when stared at too long by another men. Some also feel that the other person might be having more interest in them then they should be. Your partner’s emotional reaction to your profound gaze has a biological base. When you look intently at someone, it increases their heartbeat and shoots an adrenaline like substance gushing through their veins. This is the same physical reaction people have when they start to fall in love. Therefore, it is an advantage to increase your eye contact between daily life conversation. Even between men although better slightly to avoid misconceptions. Keeping good eye contact broadcasts a visceral message of comprehension and respect. It also helps loosen up tensed moments.

~Daryl Justin De Rozario~

The Tsunami Smile / Flooding Smile

When we meet someone or anyone new, we have about 10 seconds before the other person has make up their mind about us. According to Dale Carnegie's six must in his 1936 book "How to win friends and influence people" is SMILE. The smile is powerful tools as when shown at others, it immediately changes the setting of the mood around us and also a quick glance to what you are thinking.

However what he states about quick smiles and instant grins never really work in the sophisticated world we have nowadays. Look at the world leaders and corporates giants, there are hardly a smiling face among them. Key players of all walks of life enrich their smiles so that when it erupts, the world smiles with them. All big winners know that their smile is one of their most powerful tool,therefore they learn to fine tune their smiles.

Once, there was a study concerning women in business which showed women who smile slower were perceived as more credible. The study showed that big warm smile are an asset. But when brought slower,it has more credibility. To put in other words, The smile will feel more genuine to the person and makes it feel like it is specially for them. Over the next few days, observe the smiles of those around you. Who are the people usually seen as the most credible? These people will almost always have a slow, sincere smile.Try it.





~Daryl Justin De Rozario~

Batman vs Joker

As you can see from the video, Batman is trying to ask a very simple question to his arch enemy, The Joker. "Why do you want to kill me, Joker?" However, he says it in such a way that it is hard for most people to understand. Conveying message can be a very simple task. Unfortunately for Batman, he is driven with anger and hatred towards Joker that he doesn't get to completely make himself heard. Negative feelings such as these can be one of the barriers we have to overcome in order to become an effective communicator.

As for the Joker, he is also trying hard to understand what Batman was trying to say so he politely said "Sorry, can you repeat that?". This only fueled Batman's rage and completely changed his voice into just grunting noises that sounds like a bad car engine trying to ignite in the morning. Midway through the video, Joker admits there is obviously a failure of communication between them. However Batman doesn't acknowledge that and he responded by dealing a physical blow to the Joker's face, smudging his make up.

When you are filled with rage, it is virtually impossible to act reasonably. Simple tasks such as talking, communicating or even listening can be such a burden. When you realize you are shouting it is wise that you take a deep breath to calm yourself down. Anger usually leads to a person saying things that they will absolutely regret later on.

This is an example of an interpersonal relationship that exists between enemies. Yes, even enemies have relationships too. Interrogation is another form of interviewing. The only difference is that it involves threats and physical abuse. As we all know the transactional view of communication involves a speaker/listener and another speaker/listener. However in this case, there lies a miscommunication because there is only a speaker/listener(Joker) and a speaker but not a listener(Batman). In the end there was obviously a message overload in Joker's part that unfortunately leads him to grunt and make unpleasant noises inevitably making the situation worst.

Al Amin

Beginning of Second Semester

As time goes on, my first semester ended on 12/8/2009 and my second semester has begun. As a student who is taking Foundation in Arts, I had two weeks holiday after the end of first semester. In these two weeks, I was always asking myself, "what electives subjects should I choose?" which is actually one type of intrapersonal communication. Finally, I decided to choose Human Communication and Economics Principles as electives subjects in my second semester.

My first class began on 1/9/2009 which is Tuesday because 31/8/2009 was our country Independent Day. I scheduled timetable by myself because I wanted to know more friends in this semester. Also, I wanted to make a perfect timetable which is no classes on Friday. First day first class in second semester was Critical Thinking Skills at Seminar Room 8. I think that morning was a bad beginning for my classmates and I because my classmates said that Miss Chris Lee who is my Critical Thinking Skills lecturer is very strict and barely smile. However, Miss Chris Lee presented herself very well in that morning. I still remember that she said, "I will never give full marks for your presentation because I am better than you all in presentation, you guys will get full marks if your presentation skills is much better than mine." I believe that she is very confident in self-presentation and she has very good self-presentation skills as well.

My second day of this semester, my first Human Communication class began! All of us were crazy and hyper because of our coolest Mr. Murali! Mr. Murali is our Human Communication lecturer, he is very good in group interaction, leadership, and public communication. The purpose of why I choose Human Communication is I intended to improve my presentation skills. However, I realized that Human Communication can actually improve our relationship skills, interviewing skills, self-presentation skills, group interaction and leadership skills, presentation skills, and media literacy skills.

In brief, I hope that I can enhance my presentation and speaking skills by attending to Human Communication classes in these 14 weeks.

Louis Beh ®

First Trial Post

This blog is so blank, that's this trial post is posted. Since this blog has been opened, my groupmates and I will not let it stops and we have to post some stories that relate to human communication as well.

So now, let's move! Let's start spamming! Wu-huu!

Louis Beh ®