When we are in love we can not convey the emotion because love is silent. We are accustomed to communicating in words but there are no words to convey emotions. We use our words to tell people about our emotions or give symbols in their place. Our words are symbols that the other person can interpret and understand how we feel. The emotion of love is formless and so we rely on words as a code for communication.
Flowers, chocolate, jewelry, and cards are wonderful symbolic ways to communicate our emotion. But these symbols don’t prove the authenticity of love. These gifts can just as easily be given because of guilt or shame for having done something to make up for. In this case the size of the gift might be a measurement of a person’s guilt and self judgment instead of their love. They are looking for forgiveness which will release them from their self judgment. It is easy to misinterpret what the gift symbolizes because it is not always possible to see into the emotions and thought process of the giver. Our interpretation of their motivation may be different than what is inspiring them.
Companies and advertisers are eager to tell us what the symbols of love mean. We see in holiday commercials examples of men shopping for a gift to give their wife or girlfriend. They are searching for the right symbol of love to give. The jewelry company is selling symbols and they tell the viewer what their jewelry means. They even have recommendations about how much of your salary you should spend on the symbols they merchandise. Is the man buying a piece of jewelry because he is inspired by love, or because he is afraid of how the woman will interpret the size of his symbol? We are so conditioned to respond to symbols that a woman might react emotionally if she doesn’t’ get the symbol she wants. The emotional reaction isn’t really about the symbol. She is really reacting to her own interpretation of the symbol. Not getting a symbol when it is expected on particular holidays may cause a person to react to their own interpretations and expectations. If our partner forgets to do something that they promised it doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t’ love and appreciate us. If we apply that meaning to their actions we do it on our own.
An engagement ring is a symbol of love. It is not the emotion itself. But how often have there been discussions about the size and quality of the diamond and what it signifies? Does a bigger diamond demonstrate that more love is coming out of someone’s heart? Does a smaller diamond mean that there is less admiration and love for you? No. If someone brings us 4 roses, do we wonder what they are trying to say? We may have a clear understanding in our mind what a dozen roses mean, but what do 4 roses mean? In our use of symbols we often interpret that more symbols means that the person has more love for us. More and bigger symbols don’t mean that there is any more emotion.
Understanding in relationships begins with SELF-AWARENESS...
Before you can explain your coded meanings for words and symbols to someone, you will first have to be aware of them yourself. This means being aware of what your symbols mean, how you interpret them, and the emotional attachments you have given to images and dreams in your mind. When you are aware of your own coded symbols, you can communicate more clearly with another. Clear communication will raise the quality of understanding, respect, and clarity in your relationships. This will allow the real emotion of love to grow, and make your relationship less dependent upon symbols. When you have awareness, you know that a symbol cannot convey what you feel; and when your love no longer relies upon the exchange of symbols, it is beginning to flower into the most beautiful expression of human caring: unconditional love.Each and everything that we do with our knowledge or oppose is all related with communication skills among each and other.
~kavip preya~
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